Monday, October 20, 2014

Pot of Clay

“What exactly are we debating?” I asked my #deep-thinking ever probing#opinion-seeking friend. “The Topics we avoid in relationships!!!” was the response. 
When I gave it deeper thought, I realized that its topics which make people uncomfortable, cagey, elusive. They are not ground breaking topics we haven’t heard however they can pre-empt situations which have the potential of ending relationships. Most fear to tread on this sensitive ground; but ask my opinion and I will give it to you. 
Is your partner entitled to your social media passwords? Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc. etc. etc.? NO! I don’t care who wants my passwords, you not going to get it. It’s like my bank pin code, its private for a reason. HOWEVER, should you need to ask me anything, verify anything, I am present, ask me. Should you have an issue with TRUSTING me, then my passwords are the least of our problems. TRUST is then the real issue. If he can’t trust me online, then our relationship needs to be looked at and analysed. I know I might be in the minority but that’s how I feel. If I die, why you would be interested in my social media passwords, you should be crying a river over my death. Take my i-pad, my laptop re-format it and carry on with your life. You can then send an email to FB, Twitter, My Space informing them of my untimely death and asking for them to deactivate my account. If that is too much for you, throw my techno gadgets into the ocean. Problem solved! 
Is it hard to be faithful? 
With Cristiano Ronaldo looking so hot, on and off the pitch – YES it is! Jokes aside … It’s a decision we make. For some of us being faithful is innate; it’s in our DNA the thought of straying doesn’t enter your mind. Yet for others temptation is harder to fight. Being unfaithful is not limited to just physical encounters. There are many indiscretions we overlook, because we deduce that if we didn’t sleep with someone no harm has been done. WELL! Most infidelities didn’t just start with a 9 ½ weeks encounter. There was a build-up and then a decision. The encounters we chose to ignore and overlook. The DM’s on twitter, the inappropriate ‘Like’ on a Facebook picture you had no business viewing in the first place, or the “hey, how have you been?” message to an ex even though you’re in a new relationship. The messages to a colleague saying you miss him/her. Inappropriate, rather explicit joke to your friend’s wife, means you probably are closer than you let on. That invisible line between innocent chat, to flirtatious banter and outright deceitful actions. The blurs which goes beyond what’s right and wrong. Does one have to be really strong to avoid being unfaithful? Is it just intrinsic in your make-up because you have a strong views on indiscretions? Your moral resolve, code or ethics is solid? Or do you just avoid situations which could get sticky? 
Is it normal to argue or it is a sign that your relationship is heading to “disasterville” 
I don’t think arguing can ever be removed from a relationship. For some individuals arguing is quite natural and for others, it makes them cringe. I hate arguing so guess I do the cringing bit. There’s also a big difference between arguing and robust debate. There are relationships where people never argue, and there are some where couples argue over everything. Don’t know which one is better. It’s also difficult if you have a partner who makes a petty issue into a grand stand event. It’s even worse if you are arguing with someone who keeps a Pandora’s Box, you try to gain ground on an important issue, but they open up a box with disagreements which happened days, weeks, or months ago. Arguing with an immature partner who is petty makes one hold back our feelings. Finding a balance is very hard. Depending on how passionate you feel about an issues, biting your tongue for the sake of peace just “aint gonna cut it: But it’s wiser to get everything out of your system in the present in order to have peace in the future; but in a more civilised way. All one can do is out the facts on the table and let it speak for itself. Take the emotion out of it and look at issues rationally. I think the key to less arguing is more communicating how you feel about various issues, rather than letting things fester and when all hell breaks lose you come out with guns blazing. If you cannot keep it clean when discussing “hot” topics then keep silent until cooler heads prevail. 
Your relationship is like a pot of clay. Whatever it becomes is up to you and your partner, because ultimately you are the sculptors.