“” - unknown
I am sure we all have that one person who is from Hell. Either a friend, family member or a work colleague. Sometime it’s easy to disengage this person, and sometimes you “stuck” with this person or you have to put up until you ready to move on.
This person is multi-dimensional, they know it all, if a mistake is made, they blame you. They are never wrong, they know it all. They make you think there's something wrong with you. They crush your spirit and erode your confidence. You just never know with them, you can never tell when their mood or behaviour will change, can happen in 0 to 30 secs.
When they test your patience, you plot their demise. NCIS & CSI episodes come to mind. 101 Ways to do this and get away with it. Hey, desperate work times; call for desperate measures, right?
Wrong, most of us think it and never do it because we don’t have those crazy streaks in us; we are law abiding citizens and have a conscience. Even though the thought of "deep-sixing" this person is very tempting. Anyways I think our police have their hands full already.
Most of us learn to cope and breathe.
Sometimes I think; “Horribulous” is the same person; who shape shifts and gets around to all of us at some point of our lives. Because at one point or another we have all encounter or encountering this person.
Yes it’s frustrating, stressful and unnecessary. But it happens.
A work colleague recently made a though provoking comment: “we have both good and bad within us, whichever one overpowers the other, is the side we see”
In Horribulous’ case; the bad definitely didn’t just overpower good, it ate it for breakfast and spat it out. So all they do is make every situation toxic and impossible; even if you point out what they are doing; they don't even see a problem. Whether their issue is caused by a personality disorder or some other deep underlying issue, the only thing you as a person can do is find a way of navigating through your interactions with this impossible person.
You have to preserve your own sanity. This is your ultimate goal.
The first step to keeping yourself out of cuckoo land –is to understand that you can never beat this person, he/she has far more experience in being nasty, horrible and “ugly”. In their minds you are the“useless” or inferior person; you will never be right; nothing you can say is going to make them unwind into a nice agreeable person. Your opinion is of no consequence to them. Don’t beat yourself up trying to change them.
Save yourself the headache and stop trying to figure out why this person is like this.
Reality Check!! “Impossible people exist”. Staying calm in situations no matter what this person does or says will be paramount to your personal preservation.
If this person is someone whose rationale and practicality has flow out the proverbial window, and all they want is a conflict situation, the best is to remove yourself from the situation and treat it with indifference. We are all influenced by the people in our environment. No one is perfect even if“Horribulous” thinks he/she is.
We all have a core need to feel valued and appreciated in life, be it from family, friends or at work. It’s definitely unsettling when someone challenges the core of us, shaking our balance in life, our health and our security. It’s almost as if they are a threat to you and that’s why we tend to take it personally. They affect us on a primal level and no matter how many times we tell ourselves not to take it personally, it’s hard not to.
Don’t allow yourself to become the victim, this person is probably a bully, he/she is looking for a trigger and the best thing you can do for yourself is to not get sucked into their seductive pull – Retaliation.
Rather go into self- protect mode, whatever this person says or does is not your responsibility. Never cede your power to them; never allow them to influence your behaviour.
I am learning this painful truth when it comes to a person I am dealing with right now.
I will not give this person the trigger, I cannot change this person. The only person I can change is myself. My default lens is reality. I am putting filters in place so that my power is never taken away. And when I find negative emotions coming through, I default. Moving beyond an angry reaction when I feel I am under attack. Never allow anyone to devalue you.
If it’s a family or friend, one needs to make a call on whether you want to continue a relationship with this toxic person, if the person is in a work environment, then you need to start thinking about an exit strategy, or find ways of coping with the situation until this person moves on.
Some people have an intervention and change. Some of us acknowledge our faults; short comings, behavioural issues and consciously remind ourselves to rectify it. Then there are those who are just down right mean and nasty ... imagine they go through life hoping to ruin someones' day, how miserable must their lives be.